The Bachelorette!

The following is an email chain between *cough* me and Josh Cooper, Predators’ beat writer for the AP.

NOTE: We know The Bachelorette is a ridiculous show. Go ahead and revoke our Man Cards. We don’t care. But if you’ve ever slowed down to see the scene of a car accident, then talked about it, then, well, that’s what this is.

When Marquel’s emotional, awwwwwww-poor-guy-who-just-got-dumped moment aired, it seemed like a trial balloon from Bachelor HQ asking: will America respond by demanding he be the next Bachelor? They showed us the black and white cookie scene. He’s fun loving. He handles conflict in a way that gathers respect. Women find him attractive! The Pantselor and the Grief Strickenelor are huge underdogs. They’re one dimensional characters who serve as drama fillers. I think the guy who cried on the train will be there to console Andi when she founds out about the Tragic Bachelor’s death. That’s a whole episode of drama there. As for the Pantselor, please. Not happening. I think Marcus is the front runner. She has the hots for him, and they have similar potty-mouths. He’s definitely a steak on the Fantasy Suite Buffet.

I thought the same thing about Marquel. He seemed so genuine on his exit interview, but I think the ‘Juan Pablo Factor’ will be his undoing as the next Bachelor.

Remember ABC hardly knew Juan Pablo when they picked him. The only reason he was selected was because of the incredible positive selection in the Men Tell All. Then ABC eventually realized it knew nothing about JP before it was too late and he thought “it’s OK.”

I’m personally all for the HS basketball coach. He has an everyman quality. If he wins it will be a victory for every normal human being.


Basketball coach keeps screwing up. He needed to SWAK that one date, guh!  Then he morphed into Shy Kid during the cooking date, blergh. The chemistry is becoming forced. She may admire him, but she doesn’t want to do any nibbling. The more I think about it , the more I’m starting to wonder if he could be a Lifetime

Movie villain, and maybe he is capable of a gaffe like defending that abusive Rutgers coach.
I think your Marcus-is-HaWhon-Pablo analogy is good, except it should apply to the Baseball Player. Remember that Friends episode where Ross gets over-tanned the fake tanning booth and has super white teeth? That’s Mr. Baseball. Those teeth are visible from 5 states. 

When he gets dumped, Aquafresh will paint a speedo on him and shoot commercials featuring his smile.  Soon, Andi will realize guys like him are The Reason she is the Bachelorette. The jock isn’t compatible with her. I think Mr. Baseball will strike out juuuust before the Fantasy Suite.

I went and got lunch downtown today. I saw two middle aged, normal professionals, walking to lunch in those red/color jeans, pants, whatever they are.  The Pants Entrepreneur FTW!

The funny thing is I tend to pull for the jocks on these types of shows. Being a sports fan, there’s just something about my connection to them. However, this guy is just a major league pain. I know the major Bachelorette catch phrase is “right reasons” and there’s always one guy who overuses it. It’s totally that guy. I can see him on the next season of Bachelor Pad. Dude, the Pantepeneur is such a trouble maker. He started stuff with Marquel and that guy who looks like every guy from LA who works in business in Culver City. Seriously, you want to talk about the right reasons? He’s there to push his bizarre line of breathable pantswear.

I’m still all for the HS hoops coach. I can’t figure out how he ended up on this year’s group of contestants. His douchey quality has to come out at some point — and I’m sure it isn’t his shyness.

Also, I think Chris Harrison partially stole my honeymoon plan. We’re doing Cannes to Tuscany to Rome. They’re doing Provence to Venice… great minds think alike I guess. Is this humidity ever going to end?

September. Late September.